Rejoice

Try typing in that in your search bar of your kindle bible and seeing how many bible verses it comes up with when your trying to find a certain verse... lol... FINALLY!

Psalm 118:24 This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it :)

As I lay in that MRI today pretending I was in an episode of Fringe (please let Joshua Jackson pull me out of that machine instead of the grumpy nurse who put me in here, I will run away with you any day ;) ) I realize how oh so very tired I am of all of this. For the past three months I have been dealing with this pain. Pain in my chest and shoulder that seems to have come out of nowhere, no explanation. My doctors run tests, and most have come back normal except a labral tear that has shown up on a MRI about a month ago. Problem is they did it without contrast so my orthopedic doctor is not convinced there is a tear there. So he has ordered this new MRI and hoping to start some physical therapy in the mean time. For part of the test they had to inject dye into my shoulder joint. I had to lay on my effected shoulder on the examining table to "open up" the joint. After just a few minutes on my shoulder I was shaking and crying from the pain. It was almost unbearable. I even lost a contact... Thus further ingraining my thought that radiology people are the meanest in medicine :)

As I drove away from the imaging center today this verse popped into my head. I probably don't have to say it but I was pretty down. I was ready to curl up in my bed and sleep the rest of my day away. Erase away my memories from today. I wish I was one of those people who has a constantly positive outlook on life. That can see the good in everything and put on a brave face when everything around me if falling apart. I'm not that girl. I'm the girl that wears her heart on her sleeve. If I'm sad, I'll tell you. If I'm mad, you'll know it. Happy, scared all of it I'll put it out there for you.

I'm trying. I'm trying to be positive in these last few months but it has been super hard. I have not seen very many results from doctors. I've been passed around without many answers and no relieve from pain that is constant. I can't give answers to people who mean well when they ask me how I'm doing. I don't know how to answer. I don't want people to worry over me, I'm not that girl, it makes me uncomfortable. But what I think God has been teaching me through all of this is how to let go. None of this is in my hands. Letting go is a hard thing to do, its admitting we don't have the ability to control our destiny. "One day at a time" has been my motto. I give you my day LORD, one day at a time. This is your day LORD that you have made, let us rejoice and be glad in it :)